Comments on: NEVER BEEN TO DALLAS by L. Munnikhuysen

By: Andre

Andre — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 06:39:21 +0000

I liked it but it seemed to be o more than a setup for something longer. For the rest of you guys, I think that the author is saying that the protagonist os slightly insane thinking he is from another planet. He is living a delusion as many mentally ill do and the end seems to back this up with the shift in power explanation. He did only have a bag of ball bearings and his name was James Thompson from Dallas only he doesn’t know it anymore. He’s off his meds and the world has just gone over to his perspective too.

It gives me the creeps just like it’s supposed to.

By: W

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 14:47:15 +0000

I will have to agree with the other comments on Horse - he isn’t simple or insane enough once you switch to his perspective … keep in mind that while a madd person may not realize he is insane (or very well may) his perceptions of reality are very askew from yours or mine. He also made too many leaps of logic for my liking … made me feal as though you were rushing his chapter.

The thing with the alien left me a bit nonplussed as well … though that might well sort itself out as the story progresses.

Overall, very good work.

By: Kyle

Kyle — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:32:03 +0000

I must say this was a very good story. I love the way its written from each persons point. Great writing!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:22:33 +0000

Everything happened fast in the jail. How did everything in the story go from okay to really bad in a matter of moments. There was too big of a hole in that area for my liking. Other than that (and the fact that Horse was WAY too normal) I like it and look forward to more.

By: Bill Bultas

Bill Bultas — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:32:50 +0000

I agree with KT’s comment about Horse seeming too sane once we’re inside his head, although jumping on the female officer’s back and punching her in the head does seem very much like something he’d do. I liked the alien with the bomb in the trunk, and his weird appearance and behavior, and I suspect that the guy in the Malibu from Repo Man was the basis for this. Of course in Repo Man the trooper who pulls him over DOES open the trunk, and, well, I don’t want to give that away for anyone who hasn’t seen that movie.

A fun story, and yes, a Part II is requested!

By: KT

KT — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 00:03:04 +0000

I like the subject matter and the characters, but I think you could streamline a lot of the sentences.
I love the different viewpoints and would love to see Horse have a slightly less “solid” personality, I mean he seems to not really be all there until you are inside his head. If his thoughts were more manic it would make a nice contrasting view to the alien and the deputy. Like a well balanced meal. Oh and finish it!
Tail not tale!

By: Flytch

Flytch — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 22:09:56 +0000

Fantastic, love the tension, the characters and for some reason even the alien bit, it just seems to fit:D Please write a second part:)

By: Clitoris Rex

Clitoris Rex — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:41:40 +0000

Nice! I thought there was a little bit too much development on the deputy’s story. I skimmed the first few paragraphs since I already knew he pulled the guy over. But other than that, not bad!

By: Glenn

Glenn — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:49:26 +0000

Like the other comments, I feel that you left us hanging. More please!

By: Zoe

Zoe — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:17:13 +0000

I really enjoyed that one but would love more. Well any new story is always a good thing.