I KILLED A MAN by Randy Brooks
August 9, 2011 Short stories
I killed a man. I killed a man. I killed a man. I-kill-a-man.
I killed a living, breathing, flesh and blood man.
He wasn’t one of those things. He spoke, cried, smiled, and thought.
I fucking killed a man.
Yes…HE thought. That is what made him so much worse than those things. HE was a monster. HE would have killed us all. Those…THINGS…are just what they are. They don’t think, or cry, or feel anything. At least I don’t think so? They just feed.
Blaming them would be the same as blaming an industrial machine that takes off someone’s arm in an accident. To get eaten by those…CREATURES…is as much the victims fault as anything else. Carelessness will get you killed. To be careless is to put us all at risk. It is to be the true monster…Right? Who the hell am I asking? I’m not even saying this out loud.
I killed a man?
I threw up what little food I had in my stomach. My stomach really hurts. I forgot what the fresh dead smelled like. So strange that the smell of death would make me sick when we are always surrounded by it. It’s that coppery, sweet, earthy smell. Like standing in the horse stables at the fair, while the smell of kettle corn and candy apples rapes your nose.
That smell was everywhere when this all started. It was in the streets, homes, cars, churches, and anywhere a person could go. The whole world smelled deep dark red. It was even on the breath of those creatures. It was pungent and primal.
Those things smell different. They are an expired dead smell. If they had a “best if used by date†stamp on them, it would have worn off with age. They smell like compost; like potatoes. They are an old dusty smell. They smell like a nursing home in July. They just smell…smell…USED. That’s it. They are the used dead. It’s horrible, but different than the new dead.
I killed THAT MAN!
I shot him in the back of the head.
I’ve made it too long in this hell hole to let some moron end it. I hid in sewers. I ate out of garbage cans. I’ve beaten those creatures’ puss filled brain buckets with pipes, bricks, and even a dictionary once. I didn’t think that one would work. My hands were numb for days.
My hands are numb now.
I’m looking at my hands like they belong to someone else. I see them. I see my right hand squeezing the rubberized grip of the pistol. It’s steady. It’s rigid. My left hand is flexing and releasing like it is trying to do a bad imitation of a heart. It’s shaky and unstable. The contrast between the two hands makes it hard for me to believe they belong to the same person, let alone….me.
My right hand killed that man.
My index finger is tap-dancing on the trigger.
Tap shuffle tap shuffle tap.
I met that man awhile ago. Back when I was ready to give up. I met him and the others when I was being chased by a horde of those things. I was just about ready to do a Pete Rose Slide into the pavement and let them have me. My lungs were burning. My legs felt like lead. My throat was pulsing and constricting from the exertion. Then a door opened to a building and the man waved me in. That man saved me.
Why did I kill that man?
This gun was his. He gave it to me. He said he didn’t ever want to use it again. He quit. This place is good. This place will outlast those bastards banging on the door. The noise must have attracted them. No, it’s probably that sick sweet smell of his body. I need to do something with it…Not yet.
Everything was good at first. There was plenty of food and water. But, whoever guessed that this crap would last this long? The food and water began to run out, and the isolation from the outside world, no matter how terrible it was, started to wear on most of us. I think it got to the man the most. I know it did. The man I shot was not the same man who saved me. He insisted on going out that door.
I had to KILL that man.
I did.
The others are looking at me like I am a monster now…Funny. The body of the man who tried to kill us all is at me feet, those things are hammering on the door, and I AM the monster?
Good…I want them to fear me.
If any of those fucking little kids makes a move for the door, I will kill them too.
I WILL KILL THEM! I WILL KILL THEM! I WILL KILL THEM! I-KILL-EM!
Very nice I can see him in my mind cracking up. Give us more!!
Comment by LLMF on August 9, 2011 @ 9:17 am
you gotta do what you gotta do
Comment by Justin on August 9, 2011 @ 9:30 am
Gads this is good!
Comment by Orson on August 9, 2011 @ 10:59 am
A downward spiral to psychosis by the main character. Its a nice short read but it could use a little more detail though. All in all its a decent short 🙂
Comment by Jiggy on August 9, 2011 @ 12:46 pm
Yeah a really good short from Randy 🙂
Comment by Pete Bevan on August 9, 2011 @ 1:23 pm
Thanks everyone for your kind words!
@Jiggy – I submitted this before I had Pete look it over. He gave me a Trans-Atlantic butt kicking for the same thing you mentioned. I needed to flesh out the details more. I left too much on the table, and that is unfair to the reader. I will make sure to improve on any further submissions. I will make sure to use a competent Beta Reader…cough…cough…Pete…cough 🙂 the next time also. I learned the hard way how much value that adds.
I’m a rookie, but I am also ecstatic to be included on the virtual pages of some of my favorite short story writers. I am very thankful to the TOWWZ editors for allowing my submission.
@LLMF – I’m glad you could picture the madness. My intent was to capture a person falling into psychosis by trying to justify the unjustifiable. Sadly, I have had the opportunity to see people at their worse. The one common theme, in those situations, is that people appear to try and force themselves to justify their actions when they do something very terrible. I wanted to capture this in one run-on thought. Unfortunately, I also wrote it in one run-on thought. Method Acting works for acting; not writing 🙂 Heck, what was I thinking? I can’t even Method Act. It was still fun though.
Comment by RandyB on August 9, 2011 @ 3:49 pm
@RandyB – thanks for responding to my comment 🙂 i hope that it doesn’t rub you the wrong way. But anyhow, hope to see much more from you 🙂 cheers!
Comment by Jiggy on August 10, 2011 @ 3:48 am
Randy you are so right. I also have seen people crack up and it’s not pretty. I had my own troubles when I came back from Iraq with some of the things I had to do over there, and there is always a nagging doubt in your mind but until you have to pull the trigger or be killed you don’t know if you are capable of it and if you dwell in the black part of your mind to long it will eat you from the inside out. I have also helped counsel other soldiers who “cracked up†and your detail of how his mind was at that moment was spot on I have to ask was this guy a little part of you?
Comment by LLMF on August 10, 2011 @ 4:52 am
A spot light into a moment is good. Enough detail to put you into the mind of the person works also. If you add too much detail, you will end up describing the mismatch shoe laces, the rust on the door, the stale crackers and so on.
I liked what you provided.
Comment by Keith on August 10, 2011 @ 2:56 pm
I’m never adverse to offering advice on stories, just don’t ask me about grammar!
Can I just publicly say that although I have never agreed with the reasons for the wars in Iraq or Afghanistan, I have massive admiration for those who go and put themselves in the firing line for the greater good. Thank you.
Randy is also my official military terminology advisor 🙂
Comment by Pete Bevan on August 10, 2011 @ 3:06 pm
@Jiggy – I’m not offend at all. I think you were spot on with your observation. Yet I do appreciate that the light descriptive nature appealed to @ Keith. I’m torn. Sometimes I demand detail, and other times I just want a raw thought.
@LLMF – Thanks for your insight. Funny how brothers in arms can see the intent in each other. There is a little me in this. I still fear the monster in me, and everyone else, more than any zombie. We all have it, and under the right circumstances, it comes out. I think this is why zombie stories appeal to me. That internal monster would have to be prevalent in order for people to survive. The infamous question is then raised asking if we deserve to survive. For what it is worth LLMF: Welcome home.
@Pete – Is that emotion in your words?! A Scot getting sentimental? The Mayans were off a little. The world is ending now 🙂 Your respect is greatly appreciated though.
Comment by RandyB on August 10, 2011 @ 6:16 pm
Randy since I have not literary talent of my own I was wondering If You or another veteran who has “been there†could write a story from the soldier’s aspect if the apocalypse broke out while they were deployed? It would be an interesting story and only someone who has deployed could do it right.
Comment by LLMF on August 11, 2011 @ 6:58 am
If you need help fleshing out the story or technical information I would be glad to help. But none of that Marine or Air Force crap LOL it has to be an ARMY story. 🙂
Comment by LLMF on August 11, 2011 @ 7:01 am
Nice one. Don’t apologize as this being one run-on thought… it worked quite well.
Comment by Clement S. on August 15, 2011 @ 12:13 pm
@LLMF – I am getting ready to deploy soon, so not sure how much time I will have to do that story. I can’t really think of a good story line going with that theme without it being geared to a niche market of soldiers only. If you have an idea maybe we could work together on it, if time was more on my side. Love how you are thinking though.
@Clement S. – Any compliment from you is greatly appreciated. I always enjoy your comments, and I know you don’t hand out compliments easily. 🙂
Comment by RandyB on August 16, 2011 @ 6:59 am
Good luck over there brother and keep your head down and your six coverd 🙂
Comment by LLMF on August 16, 2011 @ 1:58 pm
I cant deploy right now Im an AIT Platoon SGT so Im stuck making boys into soldiers and sending them over instead of going myself Damn the army for TDA slots not being able to deploy cant wait to get back to a Force Comm unit
Comment by LLMF on August 16, 2011 @ 2:01 pm
Nice story, but as already said, it could do with some more ‘stuffing’…
Comment by David_VDB on September 21, 2011 @ 6:16 am